Diet Humor to the Rescue

Do you ever have so much to do at work (or in life for that matter) that you feel absolutely paralyzed? You don't know where to start, everything's high priority, everything needs to get done... and just the thought drains all energy from your very being. It's one of the most uncomfortable and overwhelming feelings known to me... and it describes my state of being at this exact moment.

I don't smoke, so I'm taking the liberty of having a diet soft drink break. Conveniently, this can be done indoors as well as out.

Perhaps some diet humor will help lift my spirits. Found this Stress Diet online:

RULES FOR THIS DIET
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel, such as milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints, red hots and tootsie rolls
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off of knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon.
NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

Hmmm... from the sounds of it, I may just need some chocolate to kick my tenacity into high gear. Wonder why they haven't figured out how to make zero-calorie candy bars yet??