Lipo in a Can – Who Knew?!

Today’s inspiration comes from a Star Tribune (Minneapolis) writer named James Lileks. I’m impressed, because not only is he on to something, he’s not afraid to make people laugh while reading a (semi) major U.S. Daily.

We’re all familiar with diet soft drinks. It began with one-calorie varieties. But then someone decided, oooh… sorry just not diet enough! They eventually gave way to “zero” calorie options. As the author notes:

“You thought you were so cool, with your one-calorie drink, but little did you know that [someone] had managed to eliminate even the final, stubborn calorie, the one that always hung on the side of the can and wouldn't let go. You can almost imagine the moment they perfected the formula, and the lone calorie squirted out of the test tube like a watermelon seed…”

I mean, what can be less than zero? Before you go fact checking with your pre-Calculus teacher on the absolute values of calories in your diet sidekick (there’s a rumor I have mine on speed-dial), consider the future. The uncharted frontier! Forget curing cancer and solving the world’s energy crisis, this is what needs our devoted and immediate attention…

Are you ready for this?

Diet Minus-Forty. That’s right – the new era of diet soft drinks are not just “no-calorie” they are negative calorie -- “liposuction in a can.” Better than a trip to the gym, because you could get rid of 200 calories just by drinking 5 cans! And hey – that can be done at the office, while driving, even while sleeping if you’re lucky enough to have access to IV equipment.

I won’t be sharing the news with my current diet drinks that they may one day be replaced. I wouldn’t want them to become upset and leave me. But I’ll certainly continue holding on to a thin sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, my future holds a soul mate that is more diet drink than anything I have known before. To cola infinity and beyond!